"The Society of Friends has always encouraged its members to seek a daily opportunity to withdraw from, the necessary affairs of life, and, "in inward retirement", to renew their resources, and also to ensure that they get their priorities right. There is no hard and fast rule about how this should be done, and Friends will set about it In the manner most helpful and natural to them .... It is, of course, an individual discipline, but it has a two-fold objective. The first is to enable a person to be in touch with the inner core of his being so that his whole life may be renewed. The second is to help to prepare him to enter more fully into the corporate worship which is the central activity of the Society of Friends ... [Yet] the uniqueness of the Quaker approach lies in its emphasis on the role of silence."
- George H. Gorman, 1973
We have the Bell CallAnswer service on our line so that we can receive messages from people inquiring about Meeting, trying to reach individual Friends, networking on issues of concern, or any of a number of other valid efforts. Of course, a lot of junk comes through, too; and even the good stuff may be baffling to some.
Recently someone turned off the Messages Waiting indicator sound (intermittent dial tone) and didn't turn it back on, causing a TWO-WEEK buildup of messages which no one checked (because there was no evidence they were there)!! Then, when we finally checked even though there was no indicator beeping (we began to get suspicious after it became evident that no one was picking up messages and yet none were shown), we discovered there were ELEVEN saved messages, from as far back as three weeks ago! There was no indication that anyone had dealt with any of these messages - they were just saved, which means they no longer caused the indicator beep, nor would they be in the active queue when a new message was put on. THIS ISN'T ACCOMPLISHING THE PURPOSE OF CALLANSWER. It's worse than having no answer service at all. People think they're getting through but they're just being tossed into the void.
This doesn't have to happen. If you use the Meeting House phone, please don't do anything at all about the messages unless you are prepared to ENSURE that they reach the person for whom they are intended or who will respond to them appropriately. You can make a telephone call when the dial tone is intermittent - just ignore it and proceed as usual. If you feel you must do something, then for heaven's sake read the message tacked up on the bulletin board right in front of you as you stand at the phone. Please, NEVER "save" a message that hasn't been dealt with - it must be left in the active queue.
We are aware that the intermittent dial tone prevents the use of the modem. If you are using the Meeting computer and find yourself faced with this problem, then read the notice placed on the computer desk. NO ONE SHOULD REMOVE THIS NOTICE - it is very important. It tells you how you may use the modem without screwing up the CallAnswer system, so that messages may be received and responded to in a timely fashion.
Please, all Friends, do your best to cooperate in this effort. If having CallAnswer does nothing but trick callers into thinking they are getting through when they're really not, then we should abandon it and go back to having the phone just ring until people get tired and hang up. Somehow it seems best if we could be getting our messages and dealing with them. Help this to happen!
First Day School meets on alternate weeks and is divided into two classes. Numbers are small but steady. On two or three occasions during the year, the children have been invited to stay in Meeting for the full hour, playing with soft toys, reading or using art materials, joined sometimes by adults participating in their activities. This is called "Meeting of the Whole" and occurs on the fifth Sunday of months in which there are five Sundays. We are continuing with this practice because we find its inclusivity rewarding. Meetings for Worship for Business have been held regularly. We have begun alternating between a Sunday afternoon after a potluck lunch, and a weekday evening. They have been consistently long, no matter what the agenda. We attempt to discipline ourselves to avoid unnecessarily extending discussion but with limited success. Contentious issues have been faced and resolved without alienating Friends. In our struggle with long agendas, we have sometimes needed called meetings, but now refer many issues to committees or individuals for deliberation, thus avoiding having any called meetings this year. Donations to Meeting this year have been below expectations. We have laboured over a plan for a loan fund for members/attenders in need.
Although our meeting family is aging, we have welcomed several new attenders, of different ages. The Outreach Committee has helped to bring this about with a web site and by publicizing our existence at the university. Our membership has increased by two, one who grew up in Meeting and wished to join as an adult, and one new to our meeting. Age, nonetheless, has deprived us of the presence in meeting of a number of valued Friends. We try to keep in touch through visiting and especially through a Christmastime gift of cookies delivered by a group of carolling Friends. Several Committees of Care and Clearness have been established or have been ongoing during the year. We all need to be aware of our own and of others' needs and to develop our abilities to give and receive counsel graciously. Our precious home has been well utilized this year. Hamilton has hosted a number of Quaker and other activities in the Meeting House, as is customary: we hosted Home Mission and Advancement committee in October, and such groups as the Hamilton Interfaith Group, the Self-Realization Fellowship, and Blue Heron Buddhist meditation group, as well as the Consort of Friends, (a renaissance singing group), the Spiritskins Drumming circle, and evenings of sacred chant have enjoyed our space. Although our interests are diverse, and many Friends are very busy with their deeply felt concerns, we have tried to maintain our spirit of belonging together by a painting bee, a retreat in April overseen by Ministry and Counsel, monthly potluck suppers, a swap fest, our shared Thanksgiving feast, and an intergenerational New Year's Eve gathering. Throughout the year groups have met for study and discussion, some specifically designed for new attenders, others as part of a series with a broader focus. Peace and Social Action committee also held a series of discussions on the origins of violence in child abuse. There has been a concern that the resources of our library are not utilized to the fullest extent and a major renewal is under way. An 'ecology corner' with current journals has been added to the library. The fabric of our Meeting House and its garden have been lovingly cared for by a small but dedicated group of Friends. Late in the year we were delighted that a long-term intention of insulating the Meeting House to make it more energy efficient will now be possible due to a generous grant from the Rogers Trust. There has been an ongoing concern that our Meeting should try to influence Canada's foreign policy to reduce the tensions that lead to violence. A second meeting of a delegation of three Hamilton Monthly Meeting Friends with representatives of the Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade has been in the planning phase throughout the year. Peace and Social Action committee has been concerned with how violence arises, with how tensions can be reduced in our community and with how peace research and peace education can be fostered. Individual Friends have taken active parts in various efforts to build peace at both local and wider levels, and, for two months, the Meeting held a peace vigil downtown after the war in Iraq.
The Nominating List was presented to Meeting for Worship for Business (M4W4B) on April 3, 2004. It was laid over to the May M4W4B. This was done to allow time for each of us to think again about participating on a committee or in a position starting in September, 2004.
We encourage you to look over the list below and consider whether there is a way, or another way, you would like to participate in the life of our Meeting. If you want more information or feel a leaning to put your name forward please contact one of us by April 23rd.
Clerk: Beverly Shepard
Supporting Clerk: Carol Leigh Wehking
Recording Clerk: Rick McCutcheon
Treasurer:
Auditor: Grace Inglis
Trustees: Helen Brink, Betty Preston, Beverly Shepard, Don Woodside
Finance Committee: Ian Graham, Andy Muller, Blair Greer
Ministry and Counsel: Jean Johnson (3), Carol Leigh Wehking (3), Helen Brink (2), Rex Barger(1)
Visiting Friends: Betty Preston, Mona Callin, Suzanne Goshko, Jesse Husk, Louise Trepanier
Outreach: Ian Graham, Dave King, Emily Shepard
First Day School: Co-clerks: Sian Baker and Janis Muller; Martha Stephens, Shirley Shellenberg, Nancy Cooper-Hay
Nominating: Harriet Woodside (3), Robbie McGregor (2)
Coffee and Housekeeping: Christina Edwards; Dawn Lepard
Maintenance: Co-clerks: Reuven Kitai and Betty Preston; Betty Flynn, John Milton, John Andrew Muller, Gary Peters
Garden: Jean Johnson, Betty Flynn, Glenna Janzen, Louise Trepanier
PSAC: Dick Preston, Rex Barger, Helen Brink, Ray Cunnington, Tamara Fleming, Suzanne Goshko, Jesse Husk, Hanna Newcombe, Helen Paulin
Newsletter: Don Woodside
Library: Ian Graham, Tom Edge
Statistics: Reuven Kitai, Ruth Kitai
Archives: Robbie McGregor, Robbie Shepard, Diana Shepard
Telephone Tree: Betty Flynn, Helen Paulin, Louise Trepanier
Ecumenical Committee on Refugees: Darlene James
Yonge St. Half Yearly Meeting: Dawn Lepard
Representative Meeting: Dick Preston
What is wrong with masculine culture when so many boys grow up to be dysfunctional men?
If men are less caring than women, it may not be only a matter of hormones. For thousands of years the prime architects of masculine conduct have been the great patriarchal institutions which have shaped men's culture - the military, religion, and the law. These are institutions from which women have generally been excluded. Every day we read stories about crimes committed by men. But on February 28th The Spectator carried three stories on the same day revealing how little respect these tradition-bound bodies seem to have for the young people entrusted to their care.
The first, under the headline: "Pentagon mum on soldier suicides" tells us not only that many soldiers commit suicide during war but that the military refuses to acknowledge such happenings.
The second, a U.S. national study of child sexual abuse in the Catholic Church, blames bishops for failing to report some 10,000 abuse cases to the police.
The third reveals how the most violent and anti-social boys often fall through the cracks of our criminal justice system.
Susan Clairmont's article "Getting boys to talk before they pick up a gun" reports on a youth and crime conference in Niagara Falls. She quotes Dr. William Pollack, a renowned Harvard child psychiatrist, who blames much on the 'Boy Code' of machismo. She says 'our society takes boys who are born good and clumsily forces them into a mould of what the ideal man should be...They are encouraged to be stoical and aggressive. To be "little men" rather than the boys they are.'
With so much crime around us, with drive-by shootings, domestic violence, wars, and terrorism, one has to wonder what is wrong with masculine culture when so many boys seem to grow up to become dysfunctional men. Is it really the fault of men's genes? Or are the very foundations of male culture somehow skewed? Could it be that the great pillars of society are massively outdated, and more in keeping with Roman struggles to control Byzantium than useful in today's multi-ethnic world?
Many of our institutions depend heavily on punishment. Until quite recently schools were run by the teacher's strap, and soldiers and sailors were routinely flogged. In a climate of blame and humiliation boys soon learn to keep silent about their pain, try to cover it up, and often end up like their tormentors refusing to take responsibility, but loudly advocating the use of force against those who don't conform.
There is a chilling old-fashioned ring about the assumption that punishment is an efficient way to make people good. In his revealing and often witty book about shady medical practices and the law, Whiplash and Other Useful Illnesses, Toronto psychiatrist, Andrew Malleson, points out that while medicine has managed to move beyond its belief in poisonous potions and unhygienic ways, lawyers still conduct trials in much the same way they did when they tried witches in the fifteenth century. Unlike Solomon, who strongly recommended use of the rod, modern research shows that children are not made brighter by being humiliated; wives are not made more compliant by being beaten; criminals are not necessarily deterred by longer sentences; and countries may not become more democratic by being invaded. Indeed, since boys are often punished more severely than girls, a common problem with men is not too little punishment - but rather that some are put down too much and too often. Some become emotional cripples; damaged youngsters, who turn into 'old boys' because they are unable to grow intomature, compassionate, men.
Of course it can be argued that both the military and the law are forced to use a certain amount of violence. But what about religion? Surely religion can't be found guilty? Does it not preach mercy and forgiveness? Unfortunately not very convincingly.
The commandment 'thou shalt not kill' does not seem to apply to God's soldiers. All too often there is a double-standard about masculine conduct, a wink-wink, nudge-nudge quality that claims the rules which apply to you, do not apply to me.
But perhaps the biggest problem with religion is the way the over-devout believe they are right with such fanatic certainty. It is as if faith calls upon them to close their minds against any possibility of being in error. Such extremism is dangerous, especially in the hands of those who possess lethal force, whether in the case of a suicide bomber or a tank commander. Masculine arrogance often gets men into trouble. Doctrines like the infallibility of the Pope or the divine right of kings have cost rulers and their peoples dearly. Yet men in every walk of life continue to think they are necessarily right about subjects they have never studied and they know little of.
It is humbling to reflect that once upon a time millions of intelligent men in Europe believed the earth was flat and the sun circled the earth. But belief didn't make either of them true. Perhaps the time has come when the myths and superiority code of masculinity are re-examined for their accuracy and utility. Re-shaping our common culture won't be easy, but it may be necessary if we are to learn how to live together.
Ray Cunnington is member of the Hamilton Culture of Peace Network and was a founder-member of the Men's Network for Change.
I thought you might like to put this web-site link into a newsletter for people with computer access to view. It is a first-person account of a tour through the ghost town of Chernobyl. It's well done and very sobering and I thought some may find it thought-provoking: http://www.myownlittleserver.us/chernobyl/
A first rendezvous took place on March 28th, with 9 people present (Tony,
Shirley, Martha, Jesse, Chris, Emily, Linda, Matt,and Ian). Here's what we
discussed:
- will keep on with the 4th Sunday idea for a while
- some months will try a potluck or hike or whatever, planning done on email
mostly
- next month (April 25) will meet in discussion mode will be a potluck:
bring what you need for you and one other
- we'd like a 'focaliser' to handle the email list, firm up logistics of
anything, propose topics of discussion forums, could rotate
- we said a bit about ourselves, found several musicians,
eco-gardeners.
- a hike in the Red Hill Creek valley is high on the interest list
- the 18th of April will have lots of teen friends and attenders from around
local meetings, so it's going to be a fun day to come to worship.
There is a list going around for dinner discussion groups. If you are
interested in forming one, or joining one, email Bev Shepard.
(These are assigned at random in groups of 8, or you can ask to be with
particular people. Groups will be starting this month.)
There is a drumming circle every other Thurs at the Meetinghouse. Apr 8, 22 (to be held at Burlington Central Park labryinth), May 13, 27, etc
Are Prisons Obsolete? Angela Davis. 2003. 128 pages. "a brilliant, thoroughly researched book, swings a wrecking ball into the racist and sexist underpinnings of the American prison system." I thought the grounds for prison abolition were thoroughly outdated and quaint. No longer, after reading Angela Davis.
Meditations on the Prayer of St Francis. Anne Curo. Pendle Hill pamphlet #369 32 pg. Starting with the metaphor of the self as a musical instrument on which God performs, the author reflects on the prayer as instructions for a life of Christian peacemaking. Uses examples from her experiences in homeless activism and study of various faith traditions. Curo is an active member of San Diego Friends Meeting, a journalist, musician, bookstore proprietor.
A Profile of Hamilton Quaker Meeting. Ian Graham. 2002 68 pages. A project from my Master's in Religious Education that focused on assessing the religious/spiritual formation needs of a faith community. Describes Hamilton Meeting, the educational opportunities in the meeting, and a description of our neighbourhood. Includes interview data from 10 participants in the meeting.
New feature: Share our personal libraries online. Reach out to the bibliophiles in Hamilton interested in Quakerism, spirituality and social action.
Navigate to the Libraries page and you will find an icon 'View Book Collection'. When you click on it, you can view a starting collection of books owned by members of the meeting. Share your best and favorite books with others. It only takes about 60 seconds to add one book, most of the typing is done by the program. Some members of the meeting have offered books from their collections for lending and sharing to to others. Visitors can browse these lists, search by topic or keyword and leave comments. Send email to quakers@hwcn.org for your password access to add items to these lists. Note: visitors can only browse and search. Searching is easy. Keyword searches look in all fields in the pulldown menu (author, title, format, publisher, ISBN). Searching by other fields is done in the Reports window.
Please check out www.quaker.ca/hamilton for the MM calendar, links to Quaker groups, minutes of Meetings for Business, Newsletters (current and archives) and useful tracts and essays on quaker process.
Our Dundas house available for next academic year, starting July or September. Place for friendly group of four or family. Cost $1700/mo plus utilities. Can negotiate for long-term tenants. Lease required. Many services provided including lawn care and snow removal. For more info, see McMaster Off-Campus Housing web-site. If interested, e-mail me at wilson_yangk@yahoo.ca.
From Harriet Woodside: Organic Meat and Apples
For several years, we have ordered organic meat, chicken, and apple products from the Meeting Place Organic Farm. It is managed by Tony and Fran McQuail, Quakers who are committed to producing safe food. The Farm is in Lucknow, Ontario and has been running for 31 years. If you would like information on ordering their products, email Fran and Tony at mcqufarm@hurontel.on.ca